The events of late have been uninspiring and admittedly discouraging.
I met you, and I was so happy. I thought you were the most gorgeous boy inside and out. Too bad the fact that you are merely a boy in mindset is a big reason why we never cemented anything. I also blame my low self-confidence. Now I have closed my heart yet again. I know you cherished me at one point. I don't know the full story of why your opinion of me descended so swiftly... but I am going to chase after you and show you that I am the girl for you. I am sorry. You left me in the dust, but I feel I may have done the same to you. All we have is now, and I love you. The actions are up to me. Just one thing... I dare you to let yourself win.
Continuing on this subject... intolerance. I am determined to stamp it out with love. I will continue to do so until I die. I will accept but never fully understand why anyone shuts people out. It breaks my heart. I still stand up for this today.
Love is a fickle thing. Marriage even more so. My parents. It aches in my heart that my mother no longer lives here. Things are getting better though, and there is action and communication between them. There is also space for me to grow, to mature from the little girl I still am. I often have regressed into childhood, as a defense mechanism... but now I know I have to be a child forever. It just has an entirely new meaning. It doesn't have to make sense to you, but it's a breakthrough for me.
I know one thing. Life is a fucking battle, and I will continue to get up and dust myself off. Life manifests itself as I create it, and I accept responsibility for all the beauty and shit in my life. I send love out to the universe, to every being in it.
Yoga was beautiful tonight. Went to another realm. <3